[These are actual excerpts from writers and speakers. I could not make these things up.]

Benjamin Franklin was dogmental in all his views.

Mark Twain was not afraid to expose himself in literature.

William Dean Howells was a good writer, but his style was rampant.

I retreated to the ladies’ room, praising God that He was still on the throne.

He was being used as an escape goat.

It would be wrong to set such a president.

Our family have always been aviate deer hunters.

All in all, she received a bad wrap.

People should not be aloud to do that.

Terry Schiavo was in a cosmic state.

William Faulkner wrote Southernly.

It’s almost undealable with.

His license was evoked, and his whole family was exported.

It brings a simile to my face.

Costumers shop at Wal-Mart because they can find a wide variety of clothing there.

The post-modernism stage is before the modernism stage.

Literary naturalism occurs through naturalists in literature.

I was letting my imagination run ramped.

We as humans are inertly evil.

The meaning of a symbol must be able to withstand the entire text.

First-born children do not get hammy downs but are often used as ginny pigs.

At first, I thought she had all timers or something.

There seems to be no end to the kayos in the world.

The problem was that he had eaten too many heresy chocolate bars.

Schools should not be hostel environments.

The poet uses Schenectady [synecdoche?] to emphasis the emotions he is feeling. 

Choices may harm others even if they are necessary for revival.

I will defiantly attend more theatrical productions in the future.

Psychotherapy has its place. God created it for a reason, so someone must need it.

He acted calm, cool, and collective through it all.

It was, for all intensive purposes, a glorified drainage ditch.

Rosicky is a character in Willa Catheter’s story “Neighbor Rosicky.” [With apologies to Cather]

OVERHEARD HERE AND THERE:

Joe Theismann: "Rex Grossman's decisions are so decisive."

New Orleans Police Chief being interviewed on Nightline: "This is an urban city."

Michael Jordan's mother on his riding motorcycles: "Be cautious with the risks you take."

Bob Schieffer on Face the Nation: “The best thing to say about 2005 is that it’s over.

We’re all still on the right side of the grass.”

Darin Kagin on CNN live: “The helicopter crew was able to rescue two different people.”

Andean Art web site: “Retail customers please click here to sing in to your account.”

History Channel: “These things could be caused by the overcoming natural forces of nature.”

Interview on KY3 TV: “We’ve been getting a lot of telephone calls calling.”

NPR report about a Kentuckian who was asked why he was poaching ginseng plants

on government property instead of taking plants closer to his own home.

His reply: “They done been took.”

CNN asking why a man voted for New Orleans Mayor Nagin again: “He’s experienced this experience.”

Bob Shaw: “His rapid heartbeat made a hummingbird look meditative.”

Unnamed book reviewer: “This work fills a much-needed gap.”

Joe Buck on FOX: “This is one of the problems Eli Manning seems to have a problem with.”

Indians announcer: “He was born in Houston but spent his formidable years in Washington.”

Indians Plain Dealer beat writer Paul Hoynes audio clip: “My math is always susceptible.”

Steve P discussing the merits of pit bulls: “Don’t speak on anything in such a manner that you know so

little about.”

Bill Livingston paraphrasing my hero Bernie Kosar talking about the Browns: “This is no time to be

cynisistic in procrastinating the future.” (Audible sigh mine)